Practice writing for 9th grade :/

[§§}Snipe]

Alright i need to practice my writing skills, So i'm just make up a short story.. be harsh if it was 9th grade material or not thanks.

Sunlight shines through the trees, as we open on two warriors in a fierce battle.
"You really think you can take me?" says a scruffy looking man with black curly hair and ripped ragged cloths.
"You really are quiet the joker rant you young one" Innocence a older looking gentle men with his blade drawn.
As the two men swing and slash there swords with almost unbelievable force, the scruffy little man takes out a smaller dagger as the older gentle men is stumbling back, the scruffy looking man runs at him with amazing speeds.
"AHHHHH" exclaims the scruffy man as he charges at the gentle men.
With a swift move of the gentle mens foot the scruffy man is tripped and stumbles to the rough Rocky ground.
"p please spare my life, i will do anything" pleads the scruffy man.
"I was never going to take your life, for as i am a gentle men, never to spill the blood of a fellow human" proudly says the gentle men.
"th thank you sir" studders the scruffy man.
As the gentle men turns around and starts walking away the scruffy man stands up and bolts toward the gentle men and jabs him in the back with the rusty blade.
The gentle men falls to the ground dead, bleeding. The scruffy mans laughs manically as he walks away. The next morning the man wakes up to seeing his family has left him and he was robbed clean, and was feeling sick, he looks in the mirror and notices red stops on his whole body. The nexted day the man dies of a rare desiase.

Thank you for reading, also the moral of the story is that Carma will come around when you least expect it!

[§§}Qùìçkè®]

Awesome story! Don't ask me if It was good grammar and spelling beacause I'm only in 7th grade and I don't reallt care about that stuff as much. Until I really have to. Also he is another part for the story

-Another man comes in the doors of the man that dies by the disease.- "ha ha ha to bad I had to give you the disease huh? If only you could hear me and then you would be mad but ur already dead", the big strong man said. " -The man goes back out side and takes his big load of stuff he stole from the weak man that died from the desease-
--------------------------Awesome story part huh? I know i was awesome, Sorry for stealing your stuff lol. Don't count the spell errors i made cause i just did this to see how good i am.
-~- Quicker

[Warrior]

I'm not good with spelling/grammar and i am out of school and graduated shows you how bad the school wanted me out lol

i gave them pain i was in the principal office everyday lol

[Timmeh]

It's good, Snipe. If you want to get help at practicing your punctuation and grammar start to roleplay. If you don't know what "roleplaying" is, well I can't really tell you. It's too hard to explain.

I started using the correct writing before I started roleplaying.

[§§}Snipe]

Lol add quickers to my story lol.

[§§}Snipe]

And i know wut it is i do it all the time in my schools plays and warrior yea i know me too, and if you said 8th grade well good cuz i'm in 8th getting ready for 9th

[§§}Qùìçkè®]

Lol, My story gets to be in yours? Yay! Also when you do show and tell or have a project, do it about me! =D Tell them I'm the quickest person and awesome. Even though it may not be all true but u can stretch the truth, lol. Then I will have alot of fans! lol Umm yeah i gusse warrior you can talk about, But no as much, lol jk.

[§§}Associus]

Well I'm not an English professor, the story in general is ok from my perspective, but is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors.

Feb 12, 2009 21:32:45 GMT -8 Warrior said:

I'm not good with spelling/grammar and i am out of school and graduated shows you how bad the school wanted me out lol

i gave them pain i was in the principal office everyday lol

I imagine you were in the principal's office every day from being caught playing Halo on the school computers.

[§§}Snipe]

Associus, lol you are actually right i usually download the trial and then teachers walk around and get mad at me, now i can't cuz there always watching me lol.

[§§}¥Ô$H!]

Hey Snipe please refrain from double posting, you might get a warning bar next time.
Also it would be a good idea to create a thread were each of us write a part of a story and all the members contribute to it. It would be a good way to practice spelling and grammar.

[§§}Snipe]

Yoshi, I will make a new one thread like that . If you are saying I'll get a warning bar nexted time, this was a practice and i didn't use spell check. So I'm sorry if i should have.

[§§}¥Ô$H!]

I was just warning you not to double post because you might get a warning bar.

What you can do is modify the post.

[§§}Snipe]

AHHA np at all, your just doing your job. lol, JUST DON'T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN lol jk jk. np tho.

[§§}Qùìçkè®]

Lol, I did catch that double post but I thought it was okay since this is just a practice.

Yoshi, I like your idea alot. It could help some of us get better with grammar and spelling. All though we have a spelling check we should still learn how to spell better.

[Ryan]

I enjoyed your story, very classy
As far as I'm concerned, your actual story needs no work, it's great. But your presentation of it needs improvement.
You should refrain from repetition of word choice and maybe be a bit more creative with it (if that's your sort of thing). Your understanding of punctuation could also use some attention, and your grammar. Example:




Here's my modified version:

Sunlight shines through the trees, as we open on two warriors in a fierce battle.
"You really think you can take me?", boasts a scruffy looking man with black, curly hair and ripped, ragged cloths.
"You really are quiet the joker rant you young one", innocence an older looking gentleman with his blade drawn.
As the two men swing and slash there swords with almost unbelievable force, the scruffy little man withdraws a small dagger as the gent stumbles back. The threatening warrior runs at him with amazing speeds.
"AHHHHH" exclaims the scruffy man as he charges at his foe.
With a swift move of the gentleman's foot, the naive warrior trips and falls onto the rough and rocky ground.
"P-please spare my life. I will do anything", pleads the scruffy man.
"I was never going to take your life. For I am a gentleman, never to spill the blood of a fellow human being".
"Th-thank you sir", stutters the scruffy, little man.
As the gentleman walks away, his defeated enemy gets up, bolts towards him, and jabs him in the back with his rusty blade.
The old warrior falls to the ground, dead, bleeding. The backstabber laughs manically as he walks away, chuffed with his defeat.
The next morning the man wakes up to notice that his family had left him. He had been robbed clean, and was feeling sick. He looks into the mirror. Red spots cover his body head to toe. And the next day... The man dies from a rare disease.

[§§}Qùìçkè®]

Nice work rage,
That should have helped snipe a whole lot. Thats good information of what snipe did wrong and how he did small mistakes. Keep up the good work. =D

[§§}SeanJuan]

Feb 12, 2009 21:20:08 GMT -8 §§}Snipe said:

Alright i need to practice my writing skills, So i'm just make up a short story.. be harsh if it was 9th grade material or not thanks.

Sunlight shines through the trees, as we open on two warriors in a fierce battle.
"You really think you can take me?" says a scruffy looking man with black curly hair and ripped ragged cloths.
"You really are quiet the joker rant you young one" Innocence a older looking gentle men with his blade drawn.
As the two men swing and slash there swords with almost unbelievable force, the scruffy little man takes out a smaller dagger as the older gentle men is stumbling back, the scruffy looking man runs at him with amazing speeds.
"AHHHHH" exclaims the scruffy man as he charges at the gentle men.
With a swift move of the gentle mens foot the scruffy man is tripped and stumbles to the rough Rocky ground.
"p please spare my life, i will do anything" pleads the scruffy man.
"I was never going to take your life, for as i am a gentle men, never to spill the blood of a fellow human" proudly says the gentle men.
"th thank you sir" studders the scruffy man.
As the gentle men turns around and starts walking away the scruffy man stands up and bolts toward the gentle men and jabs him in the back with the rusty blade.
The gentle men falls to the ground dead, bleeding. The scruffy mans laughs manically as he walks away. The next morning the man wakes up to seeing his family has left him and he was robbed clean, and was feeling sick, he looks in the mirror and notices red stops on his whole body. The nexted day the man dies of a rare desiase.

Thank you for reading, also the moral of the story is that Carma will come around when you least expect it!

Nice story! you did a good job and I agreed with Associus and Rage.

I too, am not perfect... but I do follow these 3 rules when I am writing

1) Spell check
2) Proof read
3) Read it out loud to yourself. Hearing what you wrote will help you see problems that can be fixed.

Here is my marked up version:


Alright I i need to practice my writing skills, so I’mSo i'm just makingmake up a short story. Be.. be harsh if it was 9th grade material or not thanks.

Sunlight shines through the trees, as we open on two warriors in a fierce battle.
"You really think you can take me?",?" says a scruffy looking man with black-curly-hair and ripped-ragged-cloths.
"You really are quiet the joker rant you young one", insights an" Innocence a older looking gentlemen gentle men with his blade drawn.
As the two men swing and slash theirthere swords, with almost unbelievable force, the scruffy little man takes out a smaller dagger as the older gentlemen gentle men is stumbling back. The , the scruffy looking man runs at him with amazing speeds.
"AHHHHH", exclaims the scruffy man as he charges at the gentlemen gentle men.
With a swift move of the gentlemen’s gentle mens foot, the scruffy man trips is tripped and stumbles to the rough-Rocky-ground.
"P-pplease spare my life, Ii will do anything", pleas pleads the scruffy man.
"I was never going to take your life, for I as i am a gentlemen, I vow to gentle men, never to spill the blood of a fellow human", proudly says the gentlemen gentle men.
"Th- th thank you sir", stutters[/] studders the scruffy man.
As the gentlemen gentle men turns around and starts walking away the scruffy man stands up and bolts toward the gentlemen gentle men and jabs him in the back with the rusty blade.
The gentlemen gentle men falls to the ground dead, bleeding. The scruffy mans laughs manically as he walks away.
The next morning the man wakes up to seeing his family has left him and he was robbed clean, and was feeling sick, he looks in the mirror and notices red spots stops on his entire whole body. The next nexted day the man dies of a rare disease desiase.

Thank you for reading, also the moral of the story is that Karma Carma will come around when you least expect it!

[§§}Animal]

Feb 12, 2009 21:20:08 GMT -8 §§}Snipe said:

Alright i need to practice my writing skills, So i'm just make up a short story.. be harsh if it was 9th grade material or not thanks.

Sunlight shines through the trees, as we open on two warriors in a fierce battle.
"You really think you can take me?" says a scruffy looking man with black curly hair and ripped ragged cloths.
"You really are quiet the joker rant you young one" Innocence a older looking gentle men with his blade drawn.
As the two men swing and slash there swords with almost unbelievable force, the scruffy little man takes out a smaller dagger as the older gentle men is stumbling back, the scruffy looking man runs at him with amazing speeds.
"AHHHHH" exclaims the scruffy man as he charges at the gentle men.
With a swift move of the gentle mens foot the scruffy man is tripped and stumbles to the rough Rocky ground.
"p please spare my life, i will do anything" pleads the scruffy man.
"I was never going to take your life, for as i am a gentle men, never to spill the blood of a fellow human" proudly says the gentle men.
"th thank you sir" studders the scruffy man.
As the gentle men turns around and starts walking away the scruffy man stands up and bolts toward the gentle men and jabs him in the back with the rusty blade.
The gentle men falls to the ground dead, bleeding. The scruffy mans laughs manically as he walks away. The next morning the man wakes up to seeing his family has left him and he was robbed clean, and was feeling sick, he looks in the mirror and notices red stops on his whole body. The nexted day the man dies of a rare desiase.

Thank you for reading, also the moral of the story is that Carma will come around when you least expect it!

Good story, I'm in the tenth grade, I think it was eighth grade level. I think it was eighth grade level because I found you made quite a few spelling errors and grammar errors. The descriptions were excellent and I could picture it in my mind like when reading a book. I'll go through your story and show you where you made errors by putting «around the error».
Sunlight shines through the trees, as we open on two warriors in a fierce battle.
"You really think you can take me?"«,» says a scruffy looking man with black curly hair and ripped«,» ragged «clothes».
"You really are «quite» the joker«,» «aren't» you young one«.(or another sentence closer»"
Innocence«,» «an» older looking «gentleman»«,» with his blade drawn.
As the two men swing and slash there swords with almost unbelievable force, the scruffy little man takes out a smaller dagger as the older «gentleman» is stumbling back, the scruffy looking man runs at him with amazing «speed».
"AHHHHH«!»"«,» exclaims the scruffy man as he charges at the «gentlemen».
With a swift move of the «gentleman's» foot the scruffy man is tripped and stumbles to the rough «rocky» ground.
"«P-please» spare my life, «I» will do anything«,»" pleads the scruffy man.
"I was never going to take your life, for as i am a «gentleman», never to spill the blood of a fellow human"«,» proudly says the «gentleman».
"«Th-thank» you sir"«,» «stutters» the scruffy man.
As the «gentleman» turns around and starts walking away«,» the scruffy man stands up and bolts toward the gentle men and jabs him in the back with the rusty blade.
The «gentleman» falls to the ground dead, bleeding«If he was dead his heart would be stopped and he would not be bleeding profusely, might just wanna be tad descriptive as to how much». The scruffy «man's» laughs manically as he walks away. The next morning the man wakes up to seeing his family has left him«.» «He» was robbed clean, and was feeling sick«.» «He» looks in the mirror«,» and notices red stops «all over his» body. The «next» day the man dies «from» a rare «disease».

Thank you for reading, also the moral of the story is that «Karma» will come around when you least expect it!

Hope I helped you, and if you have any questions make sure to ask because understanding is key in high school.

[§§}Snipe]

thanks, Sean and Who, the reason for so many spelling errors is i did not use spell check looking back on it if i would have looked back and re-read it it would have been way nicer. Thanks for reading this and the ideas on how to get better.

[§§}SeanJuan]

Feb 15, 2009 12:31:36 GMT -8 §§}Snipe said:

thanks, Sean and Who, the reason for so many spelling errors is i did not use spell check looking back on it if i would have looked back and re-read it it would have been way nicer. Thanks for reading this and the ideas on how to get better.

You're welcome Quicker. I am happy that you are open to suggestions and want to improve yourself. It says a lot about you and your character.

Keep up the great work!

-Sean