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Post by §§}Church on Oct 22, 2009 12:28:40 GMT -8
Customer: “I have two bodies I want to get from Craig to Ketchikan.”
Me: “Alright, I would suggest you take the earlier flight so you have time to clear TSA with the bodies.”
Customer: “What! One of the bodies is me!”
Me: “Uh…you said you have two bodies you need to bring in from Craig. Are you talking about just needing two reservations?”
Customer: “Well, duh! What did you think I was talking about!”
Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Caller: “If anyone calls about screaming coming from **** Road, disregard it. I just had a bug on me.” *click*
(Note: I work security at a small university. A student approaches my desk.)
Student: “I think someone might have sent me an anthrax letter.”
Me: “Okay, why do you think that?”
Student: “Well I got a letter telling me I might have won some money, but I haven’t entered any contests.”
Me: “Was there any powder in it?”
Student: “No. Just the letter. But it’s suspicious.”
Me: “Companies send those out all the time to market things.”
Student: “I really think it has anthrax.”
Me: “Okay, give it to me.”
Student: “Well, I threw it away in the computer lab.”
Me: “You threw it away in a public trash can?”
Student: “Well yeah, it might have anthrax!”
Customer: “Excuse me, I was just wondering…I see some signs out there on the front door that say ‘Theaters For Humans Only.’ Can you tell me what those are?”
Me: “Oh, those are some promotional signs for an upcoming movie, District 9. They’re designed to look like real warning signs as part of a viral marketing campaign.”
Customer: “Oh, cool! So what’s the movie going to be about?
(I explain the overall plot to the customer. Halfway through, her boyfriend returns from the restroom and listens quietly while I finish explaining.)
Me: “…so the aliens land in South Africa, and they end up becoming like refugees.”
Customer’s boyfriend: *completely serious* “Wait, hang on a second…so are the aliens real?!”
Me: “Oh, no. It’s the plot to this movie called District 9.”
Customer’s boyfriend: “Oh, good! I thought there’d been some news report and I’d missed it or something. Wouldn’t want to feel silly!”
Guest: “How do you get to a cash machine??”
Me: “You exit the hotel, turn left, and then–”
Guest: “Turn left?”
Me: “Yes, left.”
Guest: “Left?”
Me: “Yes, left.” *pointing with my hand*
Guest: *confused* “Left…right…”
Me: “Left in England is the same as left in America.”
Guest: “Oh, okay! I get it!”
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “You shut me off!”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems. Let me pull up your account.”
Customer: “I ain’t got no d*** account with you, you rip people off so I figure I’ll rip you off, and then you go and shut me off again!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, what address is this for?”
(Customer gives his address and is documented for repeated cable theft.)
Me: “I’m sorry sir, but this account needs to be paid for if you want to have cable service.”
Customer: “No it don’t. I’ll just go on back there and hook up my wires and it’ll come in fine.”
Me: “Yes sir, that is possible, but it’s against the law to tap into lines without a paid account.”
Customer: “Well you better make it harder because I’m just gonna go hook it up again, and you better stop unhooking my lines.”
Me: “I do apologize, but I’m afraid we’ll continue to take down any unauthorized hook ups, sir.”
Customer: “Yeah? Well, I’ll be waiting with a shotgun next time!”
Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too, sir.”
Customer: “No it ain’t! I got the right to bear arms and if you come out here, I’m gonna BEAR ARMS ON YOU!”
Me: “Alright, I would suggest you take the earlier flight so you have time to clear TSA with the bodies.”
Customer: “What! One of the bodies is me!”
Me: “Uh…you said you have two bodies you need to bring in from Craig. Are you talking about just needing two reservations?”
Customer: “Well, duh! What did you think I was talking about!”
Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Caller: “If anyone calls about screaming coming from **** Road, disregard it. I just had a bug on me.” *click*
(Note: I work security at a small university. A student approaches my desk.)
Student: “I think someone might have sent me an anthrax letter.”
Me: “Okay, why do you think that?”
Student: “Well I got a letter telling me I might have won some money, but I haven’t entered any contests.”
Me: “Was there any powder in it?”
Student: “No. Just the letter. But it’s suspicious.”
Me: “Companies send those out all the time to market things.”
Student: “I really think it has anthrax.”
Me: “Okay, give it to me.”
Student: “Well, I threw it away in the computer lab.”
Me: “You threw it away in a public trash can?”
Student: “Well yeah, it might have anthrax!”
Customer: “Excuse me, I was just wondering…I see some signs out there on the front door that say ‘Theaters For Humans Only.’ Can you tell me what those are?”
Me: “Oh, those are some promotional signs for an upcoming movie, District 9. They’re designed to look like real warning signs as part of a viral marketing campaign.”
Customer: “Oh, cool! So what’s the movie going to be about?
(I explain the overall plot to the customer. Halfway through, her boyfriend returns from the restroom and listens quietly while I finish explaining.)
Me: “…so the aliens land in South Africa, and they end up becoming like refugees.”
Customer’s boyfriend: *completely serious* “Wait, hang on a second…so are the aliens real?!”
Me: “Oh, no. It’s the plot to this movie called District 9.”
Customer’s boyfriend: “Oh, good! I thought there’d been some news report and I’d missed it or something. Wouldn’t want to feel silly!”
Guest: “How do you get to a cash machine??”
Me: “You exit the hotel, turn left, and then–”
Guest: “Turn left?”
Me: “Yes, left.”
Guest: “Left?”
Me: “Yes, left.” *pointing with my hand*
Guest: *confused* “Left…right…”
Me: “Left in England is the same as left in America.”
Guest: “Oh, okay! I get it!”
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “You shut me off!”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems. Let me pull up your account.”
Customer: “I ain’t got no d*** account with you, you rip people off so I figure I’ll rip you off, and then you go and shut me off again!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, what address is this for?”
(Customer gives his address and is documented for repeated cable theft.)
Me: “I’m sorry sir, but this account needs to be paid for if you want to have cable service.”
Customer: “No it don’t. I’ll just go on back there and hook up my wires and it’ll come in fine.”
Me: “Yes sir, that is possible, but it’s against the law to tap into lines without a paid account.”
Customer: “Well you better make it harder because I’m just gonna go hook it up again, and you better stop unhooking my lines.”
Me: “I do apologize, but I’m afraid we’ll continue to take down any unauthorized hook ups, sir.”
Customer: “Yeah? Well, I’ll be waiting with a shotgun next time!”
Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too, sir.”
Customer: “No it ain’t! I got the right to bear arms and if you come out here, I’m gonna BEAR ARMS ON YOU!”
), my username is spl99 (i think)